


Heal

by lorij (Murphtastic)



Series: Bad For You [4]
Category: due South
Genre: Angst, M/M, Therapy, references to past non con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-27
Updated: 2012-07-27
Packaged: 2017-11-10 21:06:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/470689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murphtastic/pseuds/lorij
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray gets help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heal

His shrink is a woman. Petite with long red hair that she braids in the most interesting ways. Small and non-threatening. He can let down some of his guard with her.

The idea of a talking to a man about this was discarded almost immediately. Ray knows he wouldn't be comfortable. That he would always be on edge, waiting for something bad to happen.

He visits her three times a week and he thinks he might feel a little better. She makes him talk about what happened. About Stella and how she hurt him. About why he feels dead inside.

About why he's not working right now.

Ray fucked up. Got careless and almost got killed. Took off into a dark alley after some perps and had himself a panic attack because one of the guys looked just like *him*. One look at the guy and Ray was *gone*. Back in that room, pressed into the bed, scared out of his mind. He could feel sweat from the other man's body dripping onto him and making the man's chest slide obscenely against his back. Could hear the man's grunts and groans and his own terrified cries. Could feel the pain of the rough fucking and smell the heavy, and now disgusting, scent of arousal in the air.

He literally hadn’t been able to move. Paralyzed by fear and memories. By the time Ray got it together, he was curled up on his side in the alley getting kicked and punched. There was a lot of blood and Ray will never forget the relief that coursed through his battered body at the sound of sirens.

Wake up call for Ray. Next time he might get killed. Or Fraser might. Unacceptable.

So he'd gone to Welsh and asked for a leave of absence. Gave some bullshit reason that neither of them believed but pretended to. Welsh may be a hard ass, but he's always there for his detectives, just like he says.

Fraser knew the real reason and was more than okay with Ray getting his head on straight. Maybe relieved, too. Happy that he was getting help even though Ray knew Fraser wished he could be the one to give that help.

As much as he wants to accept that help, he can't. Ray hopes--knows-- that Fraser isn't taking it personally. Probably. Maybe.

So it's sessions with 'Call me Karen.' Always so understanding, so helpful. Condescending and not all at the same time. Perfect for a fucked up man like Ray.

But she is helping him. Ray's finally realizing that he's been holding in this incredible *anger* towards Stella. Anger that she could leave him after all they'd been through together. Anger that she went straight for a divorce instead of considering counseling. Anger and terrible hurt that she didn't want children with him. To Ray that said he wasn't good enough, wasn't smart enough for her.

Because in the end isn't that what it boils down to?

Ray's always felt like he wasn't good enough. Not for his Dad. Not for his wife. Not for his partners. No matter what anyone said or how much they said different, he knew he wasn't good enough.

The shrink brought up his citations and asked how Ray got them if he wasn't good enough? They don't give citations to just anyone, right?

And if Ray's honest with himself, he's starting to believe her. Believe that maybe, just maybe, he isn't the colossal fuckup he thinks he is. And going a little further, he's realizing that Fraser never lies. It stands to reason that if Fraser never lies, then the things he's told Ray have to be true.

But.

There's this part of Ray that can't believe it. Like this black hole in him that sucks away all his confidence and pride. After Stella, Ray got pulled in deep and he spent a lot of time in that hole. Might even still be in there, but not so deep anymore. Maybe halfway out and looking for a hand to help him out.

Fraser's hand. Offered first in friendship and more recently as a potential lover. Fraser can help. If Ray lets him. And fuck if that shouldn’t be the easiest decision, but it's not. It's monumental.

'Call me Karen' wants Ray to bring Fraser to the next session. Because of course Ray told her about his best friend. May have let slip some things about that night and how Fraser came when Ray called.

The idea isn't a bad one. And Ray's worried--even though he knows he shouldn't be--that Fraser will say no. Stupid, he thinks. Because there hasn't been a time when Fraser wasn't there for him.

This man. He. Listened. to Ray talk about how horrible it felt to be held down and hurt. He never judged.

He gently suggested that it wasn't a good idea to rub yourself raw trying to get clean. Because Fraser knew what Ray really wanted was to scrub his mind clean.

Fraser will come. He'll be there. Just like he always is. He'll come and he'll help Ray start to heal. And once Ray's healed--once he's whole again--they can be together. And happy. Together and happy.

Everyone needs something to look forward to. A dream. A future. This is Ray's. A life spent with Fraser sounds like the most wonderful thing in the world.

Ray knows he'll get to have that future. Maybe not now, but someday soon.


End file.
